A Mother's Wellbeing Shapes Her Child's Mind, and Not Feeling Low Is Not the Same as Feeling Well

Rich Mom's November edition, Always Loving You, describes mothers who love without limits, even when they cannot love themselves. A study from Singapore suggests that the second half of that sentence matters for children too.

Researchers from the A*STAR Institute for Human Development and Potential, the NUS Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine and KK Women's and Children's Hospital studied 328 mothers and their children through GUSTO (Growing Up in Singapore Towards healthy Outcomes), a long-running birth cohort. When the children were between four and four and a half, they took standardised tests of IQ, vocabulary, numeracy and executive function, the set of skills children use to plan, focus and control impulses. The findings were published in JAACAP Open and highlighted by the researchers in March 2026.

Not being depressed is not the same as feeling well

Mental health screening usually places a mother on a single scale that runs from depressed to not depressed. The Singapore team measured two things separately: symptoms of depression and anxiety, and positive wellbeing. They found that the two work largely independently of each other, so treating depression does not by itself raise a mother's positive wellbeing.

Distress and wellbeing lead to different kinds of parenting

Mothers with more symptoms of depression or anxiety were more likely to parent in one of two ways: strict and punishing, or lenient with few boundaries. Both styles were linked to more behavioural difficulties in their children.

Mothers with higher positive wellbeing were more likely to parent warmly while setting clear boundaries and explaining their rules. That style was linked to stronger IQ, vocabulary, numeracy and executive function in their four-year-olds.

The researchers describe a third group that many women will recognise: the mother who is functional but not flourishing. She scores low on distress and also low on wellbeing. Her children may escape the harm that distress can do, but they may also miss the developmental benefits that a mother's high wellbeing brings.

The researchers' summary does not report effect sizes, so it does not show how large the differences between children were.

What authoritative parenting looks like at home

Psychologists sort parenting into three main styles, and the study points to one of them as the link between a mother's wellbeing and her child's development.

• Authoritarian parents are low on warmth and high on control. They expect obedience and punish without explaining why.
• Permissive parents are warm but set few standards and rarely enforce boundaries.
• Authoritative parents combine warmth with clear standards. They set limits and explain the reasons behind them.

The American Psychological Association describes authoritative parents as nurturing, responsive and supportive, yet firm about limits. In practice that might sound like 'Screens go off at six, because that is when we eat together and talk', said calmly and kept to, rather than a shouted 'Because I said so' or a shrug when the rule slips.

Associate Professor Helen Chen, a co-author and senior consultant in psychological medicine at KK Women's and Children's Hospital, noted that some Asian mothers grew up in families where an authoritarian style was common, which can make it hard to become warmer without becoming permissive. She described the study as evidence that clinicians can share with mothers to encourage a more authoritative approach.

Looking after yourself is part of looking after them

The study's first author, Dr Michelle Kee, a principal scientist at A*STAR IHDP, put the practical message simply: 'Helping mothers feel calm and confident may benefit both parenting and children's cognitive development during the preschool years.' She also suggested that public health policies could go beyond treating mental disorders.

For an individual mother, the study offers a reason to treat her own rest, friendships and sense of calm as part of her children's care rather than a reward for after it. Our guide to recovering from year-end parenting burnout and our report on talk therapy for depression in pregnancy cover two sides of that.

If you have symptoms of depression or anxiety, speak to your GP or health visitor. Feeling well is a separate goal, and the Singapore findings suggest it is worth pursuing for your own sake and for your children's.